Feeling a bit depressed as I type this, mostly for what are probably petty reasons.

I've been doing a lot of stuff for college lately. Filling out applications, writing BS essays, touring campus. Crap like that. It got me thinking about life, the future, and death. Most of my thoughts probably read like the writings of a retarded angsty teenager, so I apologize in advance.

Pretty much all my life, college has seemed so very far off, but now here it is! Half a year away, and it's overwhelming. It got me thinking about all the other things in life that seem so very far off, but will eventually be looming over me (And no amount of denial or wishful thinking will divert my mind). As I went through all the future events of my life, I eventually came to death. I know it's probably way too early to be thinking about my own death, but I can't help it. My mind keeps coming back to it. Not a day goes bye in which I don't contemplate my own demise. I think I finally understand D666's 'Tyranny of the Inevitable', but that's a tangent for another journal.

This thinking about growing-up, the future, and death; has led to this romanticization of childhood within my head. I miss the thoughts and emotions that I once had as a child. I miss the feelings of love and wonder that I once had (or possibly never had. I can't really remember) as a child. This romanticization has led to frustration with my inability to express what I want. All I have to show for these thoughts, feelings, and images in my head, are a couple of crappy sketches scattered throughout my notebooks.

But whatever, those are my juvenile musings on life and death, briefly lain out. Let's move on to media.

Let's get the depressing media out of the way so we can move on to happier stuff. I've re-watched two anime movies that best reflect my current thoughts and mood. 'The Place Promised in our Early Days' is a very bittersweet sci-fi/romance/growing-up film. The sci-fi elements are kinda weird and nonsensical, but they mostly serve to create a brass ring for the characters. The other one I've watched is made by the same studio as tPPioED, and movie is called '5 Centimeters per Second'. 5cm is just downright depressing. Both these movies are absolutely fucking gorgeous. Take any single cell from 5cm, and you can hold it up as piece of art. But they are definitely downers (you have been warned).

On a more upbeat note: New Venture Bros. season! The season premeire was a bit confusing with the Pulp Fictioneseque time jumping, but it still managed to be brilliant and entertaining. The second episode was a hilarious parody of the silver-age boy sidekick fad. Although I miss Brock, I'm really starting to like Sgt. Hatred as the new Venture bodyguard.

Ok, music section.
I'm going to list my 5 favorite albums of 2009 so far. I'll add more and elaborate near the end of December.

1. Altar of Plagues - White Tomb [link]
2. Wodensthrone - Loss [link]
3. Austere - To Lay Like Old Ashes [link]
4. Destroyer 666 - Defiance [link]
5. Immortal - All Shall Fall [link]

Now, these are only my top 5, and even a top 20 would fail to encapsulate all the albums that I've liked this year. 2009 has been a really, really, good year for metal.